In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. All praise belongs to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. Prayers and salutations be upon the Master of the Messengers ﷺ, and upon his family and Companions. There is no power nor strength except through Allah, the Mighty, the Wise.
The fuqahāʾ are in agreement that it is permissible for spouses to derive enjoyment from one another in whatever manner they wish, including by touching the private part of one’s spouse, and vice versa, with the hand, mouth, or otherwise, as well as through all other forms of foreplay, provided that there is no penetration of the anus and no intercourse during menstruation. This is because each spouse is a lawful point of enjoyment for the other with respect to the entirety of the body, so long as this does not cause harm to either of them.
Among what has been mentioned in the texts of the fuqahāʾ are the following:
Imām Abū Yūsuf (Allah have mercy upon him) asked Imām Abū Ḥanīfa (Allah have mercy upon him) regarding a man who touches his wife’s private part while she touches his private part in order to arouse him for her: “Do you see any harm in that?” He replied: “No; and I hope that the reward will be great.”
It is reported from Imām Mālik and his companions (Allah have mercy upon them) that there is no harm in looking at the private part (of a spouse) during intercourse; and in one narration: in licking it with his tongue.
Imām Ibn Rushd (Allah have mercy upon him) said:
“The ʿulamāʾ permit the mention of such matters when clarification is intended, and so that what is not unlawful is not declared unlawful. Indeed, many laypeople believe that it is not permissible for a man to look at his wife’s private part under any circumstance. Some of them have asked me about this and found it strange that it should be permissible. Likewise, a man speaking to his wife during intercourse: there is no difficulty concerning its permissibility, nor is there any basis for deeming it disliked.”
Imām Ibn Ḥajar al-Haytamī (Allah have mercy upon him) said:
“It is permissible to derive pleasure from the anus without penetration, because all of her body parts are a lawful point of his enjoyment, except for what Allah ﷻ has prohibited, namely penetration (via the anus). Accordingly, looking at it should be deemed disliked [makrūh] in order to avoid the area of prohibition. As for touching, it is not the same as looking, for there is no disagreement regarding its permissibility, even with respect to the remaining private part.”
The Shāfiʿī ʿAllāma al-Malībārī (Allah have mercy upon him) said:
“Every form of enjoyment from her is permissible for the husband, apart from the anal opening, even by sucking her clitoris.”
Imām al-Mardāwī al-Ḥanbalī (Allah have mercy upon him) transmitted:
“Each of the two spouses may look at the entire body of the other and touch it without dislike; this is the position of the school unrestrictedly, even with respect to the private part… It is permissible to kiss the woman’s private part before intercourse, and it is disliked after it.”
ʿAllāma al-Buhūtī (Allah have mercy upon him) said:
“The husband may enjoy his wife at any time and in any manner, provided that the enjoyment is in the vaginal passage, even if that enjoyment occurs from behind her, due to the statement of Allah, Exalted is He: ﴾Your women are a tilth for you, so approach your tilth however you wish﴿ [Qurʾān 2:223]. The prohibition is specific to the anus and not to anything else, so long as it does not distract her from the obligatory duties or harm her. If it does, then he does not have the right to enjoy her in that manner, because that is not part of living with her in kindness. But where it does not distract her from that and does not harm her, he may enjoy her, even if she is at the oven or on the back of a saddle, as narrated by Aḥmad and others. He may also seek ejaculation by means of her hand, and he may derive pleasure between the buttocks without penetrating the anus.”
Proper Conduct & Etiquette
Each spouse is a lawful point of enjoyment for the other, and each should seek to fulfil the other’s need in a manner that preserves chastity and satisfies desire. It is narrated on the authority of Anas b. Mālik (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “When one of you has intercourse with his wife, let him be sincere with her. If he fulfils his need before she fulfils hers, he should not rush her until she fulfils her need.” Narrated by Abū Yaʿlā and others.
The instruction “let him be sincere with her” is from sincerity in affection and counsel; that is, he should approach her with strength, care, and excellence in conduct. If he reaches climax before her while she still has desire, he should not rush her; in other words, he should not cause her to hasten such that her desire remains unfulfilled. Rather, he should give her time until she fulfils her desire, just as he has fulfilled his own. He should not withdraw from her until he knows that she has attained her need. This is part of excellent intimate conduct, mutual chastity, and noble character in marital relations.
Every Muslim should also preserve his sound natural disposition and beware of deviant cultures infiltrating himself and his family through what is broadcast on the internet and elsewhere, including pornographic films, their promotion and imitation, and the corrupt practices they contain. Such influences may lead, gradually, to the abandonment of modesty, the commission of unlawful acts, and a departure from Islamic manners and propriety.
